Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Day 4 - Your biggest fear as a single person

My biggest fear as a single person is that it's not just temporary but a permanent problem. In no way shape or form, is being single forever acceptable in my mind. At least not for me. I want the love and marriage lifestyle. It freaks me out to no end to think that I can want that so badly but have absolutely no real control over making it happen. I mean I guess at some point I could settle but then I wonder would I be happier settling for something I don't want or staying alone. 

I'm also afraid that if and when I meet someone that it won't last. That I'll give my all, my years, my heart, my life and then it just ends someday. I'm frightened that "till death do us part", will be more like till we can't stand each other or he cheats. As you can see, my level of trust in love and relationships is rather low. I base this off past experiences. I am extremely afraid of being hurt by someone. I wear my heart on my sleeve and probably give too much of myself to someone too early but I don't know how else to be. I don't mean sexually btw...just in case your wheels started to spin. It's silly but I start to imagine what a future could look like. To me, without that picture I don't know if I can date someone. I need to be able to picture them fitting with my future. I fear that it's so easy to picture me being married and having this beautiful ceremony but it's impossible to picture who the man is. I know when it's right he'll reveal himself, but will it be too late? Will I have already given up or settled?
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