Saturday, October 19, 2013

30 Day Challenge - Day 1 - Why are you still single

I have had some major writers block matched with lack of free time lately. I came across this really cool Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge. I decided to give it a go. Not promising that the 30 day challenge will be 30 consecutive days, but let's see what I can do. 

So here goes....Why am I single?
I love me, more than I love the idea of finding a partner right now. Don't get me wrong I want to be in love and get married someday. I have always wanted love and marriage. Happily ever after, all that stuff. I blame the Cosby's. I'm even ready for it and would welcome it into my life. Here is the thing, I thought I was ready my entire life but when I turned 30 I realized I couldn't have become the person I am if I would have found Mr. Right earlier in life. I'm one of those women who gives someone my all when I'm dating them. When I was younger I use to let dating and relationships interfere with other things I had going on in life. I have always worked hard to grow professionally but the older I get the more involved I get and the more I grow as a person. I don't think I could have done that or pushed myself if I was with someone and focusing on them and making something work. I don't think it's bad to be a woman who gives a man her all. I do think it's important to find a balance, and I think I finally understand what that means.

There is something to be said for the old saying, that god has a plan for each of us. I'm not religious but I do believe there are powers beyond us that have certain plans in place for us. With that being said I know myself and I know that love in my 20s could have had the power to derail my career and my progress. I know this in part because my ex almost derailed me. I'm still not over him and have mini relapses of judgement where I remember "the good times" and conveniently forget the bad. When things with him ended I pushed myself to start my freelance work and to get involved in more things that made me happy. I built stronger friendships with the people who meant the most to me and got closer to great new friends. Stressing about him was no longer at the center of my world. We dated long distance and I would skip events or not attend events just to Skype with him at night. I just didn't know how to separate myself from a relationship in my 20s. 


Now that I'm 30, I'm ready. I'm comfortable knowing what I want professionally and knowing who I am. Almost 31, and still single because at this point in my life it is not about settling quickly. I like to say that the focus goes from Mr. Perfect to "Mr. Right for my life situation and goals". I continue to meet men who were like me in my 20s...just not there. Not sure of who they are, what they want or how to treat a woman. I'll pass. There was even a man older than me who wanted me to be patient while he got his life together. Although I considered it because he was a good guy I realized I have to stop sacrificing my happiness by wasting time. When do I get the fun romantic dates that other girls get regularly.  I deserve it, so it's time to find it and stop making pit stops on the way with men who only occupy time. 

If you'd like to learn more about the type of man I'm looking for and how I feel about dating checklists please checkout SecretLivesChi.com a brand new singles blog I co-founded. Happy reading.
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