Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Generally unhappy person sometimes

I'm not going to lie and I'm not proud of this but I'm a generally negative person deep down. I don't want to be this way. I think I had this view on how my life should be and I have fallen so short up to this point that I can't help but be bummed out about it. I just read this really interesting article about how extremely intelligent people tend to be emotionally dysfunctional and also tend to be in jail and commit suicide. I'm not worried about the last two but I can for sure say I am emotionally dysfunctional. I wonder why its intelligent people who are emotionally dysfunc? Is it because we have such high expectations and when we don't measure up to them we are devastated? I kind of feel like that's how I am. Maybe I was emotionally dysfunctional first and intelligent because of that. I lost myself in school and always did well to avoid a lot of the real life stuff I was going through like never having a father.

This year I want to be better. I mean honestly do people think I want to be bummed about stuff. I don't want to have to worry about paying bills because I'm not working. I have a very strong resume but still no job after a couple months. I was let go from a job due to some very shady unethical behavior on part of the administration. I'm glad to be gone but I can't say any of it happened at a good time. It really is my goal this year to make changes and to be an overall happier person and not be so hard on myself when things aren't perfect. One of the things I am going to do is give dating a little break. I was getting super negative and annoyed with dating and finding a good guy so I just want to take a step back. I don't choose to be a perfectionist, it's something I have always been and it's something that has always brought me down if I am not doing as good as I need to be doing. I'm going to change and be better!!
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