Thursday, December 16, 2010

Clogged Head Space

I'm at a weird place in my life right now. My "head space" as I have been calling it lately is really clogged and foggy. I don't see much clearly right now, because quite frankly I can't see the future and the present is day to day for me. I feel like I have accomplished a lot but then it feels like it isn't making a difference at all. A few months ago I was let go from a job, the position no longer exists that I once held and enjoyed. Towards the end it was a very miserable place to be with a lot of over confident and under qualified people running around with their heads chopped off. I can say with complete honesty I am so happy to be out of that place and away from all of the negativity that surrounded it. Not only that but it FINALLY gave me the push I needed to be done with nonprofit work and start to look for work in business that I would enjoy.

The problem is, as we all know, jobs aren't overflowing everywhere like I'd hope they would be. I knew it would take awhile to find something I enjoyed but it's been about 3 months and I'm just not finding the right type of leads. I'm a young leader, that isn't up for question, I've always led in every position I have been in. What has been the biggest struggle, and most interesting of all is really trying to pinpoint what it is that I want to do and what I want next in my life. The still up for discussion. I spent about 6 years of my life building a fundraising career, one that I just recently realized that I do not want at all. Fundraising isn't my style, don't get me wrong I've had a lot of success in it but it doesn't keep me excited to go to work each day. I want to use my creativity and excitement for challenge in a position. I loved working in professional sports because not only was it a great family type organization but it also appealed to my need for exclusivity. The job was very exclusive and I love that. I love doing something that not everyone can do. Of course with exclusivity comes a hell of a time getting your foot in the door in the first place. My sports job was pure luck I think. I didn't know anyone and was not from Chicago but I made it work. I'd go back to sports if the right opportunity came up in either Community Relations, Marketing, Events or Sponsorship. Those things really appeal to me in the sports world. In the regular world I love Marketing, Business Development, Events and maybe even Sales. I've been doing a lot of thinking about sales lately, very challenging and there is a lot of opportunity for financial success.

Is it all about the money? Good not all but partially about it. I can no longer say that I want to work to help others and live paycheck to paycheck. I'm now 28 years old and I haven't experienced so many things in life because I could never afford it. I have barely traveled and it is because I couldn't afford it. Doesn't help that I hate flying, but I'm willing to get over that. I don't have huge aspiration to be a globe trotter, but I want to see some of the amazing cities in the US that I have never seen. A major reason is because maybe Chicago isn't the place for me. Maybe there is somewhere else, somewhere WARM that I'd be happy to spend the rest of my life in. I have been in Chicago for almost 6 years and I have absolutely loved it here, but I didn't sign a contract to live here forever. If I finally get over my fear of flying I can just hop on a flight from anywhere to see my family. I say I want to be close to home but quite frankly I don't drive home anyhow, 5-6 hours is too far of a drive for me. When I ask my friends what they think about places I'd like I keep hearing San Diego over and over again. I know I like Atlanta, not so much the mountains in TN that you drive through to get there but I do like Atlanta. I think I could like Miami, although I'd need to be in much better shape because everyone there is amazing lol. I want to visit all of these places and really give them a chance. 

So this is why my head space is a big old clogged mess. I don't know what's next and I'm confused on how big of a blind step I want to take. Bottom line I need a new job. Most likely it needs to be in Chicago because I cannot afford to move yet. If I move it'll be after my next job when I can save up the money to do that. 

My head space also has a lot of swirling about dating. I went through the last half of the year dating like crazy, meeting a lot of men and going out on dates. I was doing it just to show myself that I could, but what ended up happening was that I kept meeting guys who I wasn't really into so it was bumming me out more than anything. I had a ton of first dates and avoided a lot of seconds because I just wasn't feeling the quality. I'm changing to quality over quantity from now on. There is no point in dating as a sport. If a guy doesn't have his shit together and have goals and respect then I've got no room in my life for that type of person.

I'm excited and scared to see what's next....mainly excited with just a pinch of scared. 
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