Marriage Equality

Something I saw on Facebook earlier today got me thinking. The post was an engagement ring photo, posted by an old high school classmate. Immediately, I was happy for her! I don't keep in touch with old high school friends but Facebook keeps me in the know. Anyhow, I noticed she is engaged to a woman. My sentiments of happiness for her didn't change one bit when realizing that. In fact, I was really happy she is out,  happy and gets a rocking ring.

This post made me think about her and my other friends from high school. No one knew she was gay (at least no one said anything if they did). Not even sure if she knew. I honestly cannot remember one person in my high school being openly gay. I was in high school from 97-01, were people still scared then or was it a small town thing? Small town mentalities very greatly from major cities. I personally have my own dating preference that I use to always get joked with about. I have always only dated black men and some of my friends, specifically men, made a lot of jokes about it. Are kids in small schools more critical of each other?

This brings me to the topic of this blog, took awhile didn't it.  Marriage equality. It is something I feel very strongly about. I have no doubt in my mind that everyone deserves true love and that love deserves a chance to be recognized legally. Not to mention that with marriage comes so many benefits that many of us don't think of or take for granted. I have read endless articles about gay couples losing everything and not having rights if something happens to a loved one. Can you imagine being with someone for 20 years, losing them and then not even being able to attend the funeral? I can't, in fact it disgusts me. When forming an opinion make sure you know the facts. Know how this can effect the people involved. There is a great fact sheet you can check out here. I also encourage you to check out this great website to see what the current status of Marriage Equality is in each of our states.

We as a society need to stop being so judgmental. It's not our place to say who can love each other and who cannot. There are so many more pressing issues we can busy ourselves with. Here in Chicago I think we could worry about how 500+ people were murdered last year. Unfortunately, instead of worrying about that the government would rather stall on passing marriage equality. I know that someday marriage equality will be everywhere. When that day is, is up in the air. I hope for the sake of all the amazing people who deserve to get married but cannot that that day is soon!

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Dear Blog....sorry for the neglect.

Major blog neglect has occurred and I am the guilty party. When I started blogging I did it for "free therapy". As I continue to build my brand I want to bring my blog back into play and utilize it not only for "free therapy" but to have meaningful conversations with others and review cool new products.  Twitter has taken the main stage in my life. I have reviewed many products and services through Twitter and I feel like my blog is a great platform for that as well. Join me on this updated idea of what The Savvy Brunette is going to be. Being that I'm "The Savvy Brunette", means I have opportunity to grow and change and boy have I, so it time to implement change in my blog too! 

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Whatever happened to manners?

Today I posted this message on Facebook, "The "thank you" or cordial hello wave is very underutilized in our society. A guy gave me the cordial hello neighbor wave as we passed in my garage today and I thought wow how friendly more people need to do that. Even more important is the thank you wave when someone lets you out when you're driving. When someone doesn't give me the thank you wave I kind of want to give them a real FU back hand. I dunno why it makes me so mad that people don't have manners but how hard is a quick little cordial thank you wave?". A good friend of mine replied asking why people also don't say thank you when others open the door for them. This brings an even broader issue to the table. 

WHAT HAPPENED TO MANNERS?

Do you make sure to say thank you whenever someone does something nice for you? On the other end do you get frustrated when you do something nice and the person doesn't say thank you?

I'm keeping this post short and sweet but I'm sitting here pondering why people simply aren't nice to each other anymore. Why is it so crazy to say hi to a stranger in the elevator? Did we all become shy? I think the answer is more likely because too many of us became self absorbed. 

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Happy New Year....2013 here I come!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

I realize I have become horrible at posting on my blog and I have to make that change. Time to chronicle some of the randomness going on in my life and take this blog back to what it originally was. A place to just rant and talk about whatever. I realized that to my surprise some people actually read The Savvy Brunette which is AWESOME. I want to thank everyone who has ever read a post or even taken a peak! I appreciate it. It has motivated me to get it together and get back to my blog that I love. In all reality I am "The Savvy Brunette" or so I think ;) Savvy is one of many words I use to describe myself along with cooky, stressed, silly, nerd, loving...I could go on. I'm a little bit of everything and that is why I am who I am. Postings to come soon...

2013...it's going to be a good one. I say that because I refuse to have a bad one. No more men or work stress or drama. If it's not working I will find something that works better.

xoxo

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Family...they are everything!

Everytime I come back from Ohio I miss my family. Now this time I have even more to miss...my super adorable little nephew! He is the cutest kid ever and I'm not just saying this because he's my nephew. I mean come on look at him!! I never thought I would love a little kid so much. I'm not the girl who craves motherhood or holding babies. In fact holding babies freaks me out, but when I got to Ohio for the holidays I instantly loved that little guy. I got to babysit him twice and it's fun but wow it's not easy. I give my sister so much credit. She is an amazing mother and works so hard to provide for her little one. She's so young herself but so mature! I can't wait to see my nephew and family more often. I'm going to try to go home more this year do I can see my family and watch him grow.

I also realized that I need to spend more time with my grandparents. They're the most special people in my life and they are fragile. While I was home my grandfather was in the ER and had surgery on Christmas. It was the scariest thing. He is ok now and I feel that we got a Christmas miracle they day.

My family is filled with strong people. My grandparents, sister, mom and now my nephew are all so important to me. I want to be a better family person and be there more so they know how much I love and need them.

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Why I don't care to meet my father

My entire life I spent wondering who my father was and where he was. I wondered why he didn't want to keep me. I use to absolutely hate this person I didn't even know because I felt cheated. I had periods of time where I wanted to find him just to make him pay child support for all of the years he should have so I could have paid for college and not taken out loans.

The older I got I realized I didn't need to live in the past. My entire life I knew his first name but my mother wouldn't tell me his last. I'll be honest I was angry with her for not telling me. Not too long ago my grandmother told me his entire name. My first thought was to find him and figure out what happened. I spent maybe two hours googling and trying to find him. He has a very general name that hundreds of others do so I didn't find any strong leads just a lot of people that could have been. When I realized that I realized I didn't care actually find out. I wasn't going to waste time trying to figure out who he was when he never wanted to know who I was.

I don't regret not knowing my father. My family is nontraditional  I am closest to my grandmother and sister and then my mother. My mother and I have work to do but we love each other a lot we just aren't close. I want to be better friends with my mom. My father missed out on a really great person in his life but quite frankly it's his loss and not mine. I don't care to know if I have other siblings, my sister is the only one I want in my life!

My family is my life. I have my core. My grandmother and grandfather, sister, mom and my nephew. They're the people who I will do anything for. I'm almost glad I don't know him because at this point I appreciate being me and I wouldn't be who I am if things were different.

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Am I ready for 30?

In 1997, Pamela Redmond Satran, wrote a great piece called 30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30 well it resurfaced on Huffington Post not too long ago and I had the opportunity to read it. With my thirtieth birthday quickly approaching I felt it was important to take a deep look at this list and I wanted to share it here. I will share her thirty things with my own commentary next to each item.

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. I'm actually going through this right now. I have that one guy that I want to go back to because we didn't have the chance to truly live out things the way they were suppose to be.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. Does my bed count? Or maybe my rockin ikea dresser that I put together.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. There is always something perfect for that moment.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. Thank you, Marc Jacobs for my lovely purse that I live with. Thank you, Jeep for my awesome hard suitcase. Ok so when it comes to umbrellas I actually don't own one. I'm opposed to it because in Chicago the wind always blows umbrellas up and I'd just rather avoid that mess haha. 

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. Definitely. 

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. Nah, I better hurry though. 30 is in a month! 

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. Oh I know I'm going to get old and I make good money but how is it that I still live check to check with so many bills. Good old life. 

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. Amen! 

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. I'm proud of it and its very honest.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. I have that friend. She is the best type of friend a person can have. We laugh hard and are honest with each other to the point that I have cried before. She's picked me up from crying through the tough times. 

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. A cordless drill? Really? Nah I don't even want one lol. What am I going to drill? 

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. Does a new car count?

13. The belief that you deserve it. I really genuinely do believe that. Sometimes I need to remind myself though.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. Horrible at this. I need both. I suck at skin care because I don't even really think about it and I barely work out. I need to get in the gym I know it'll make me happier.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. I have a good start on the career I want to be in! I know who I want to be with in a relationship. It simply isn't the right time. I have a strong belief that they are the right person though. 

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. I've never really had true long lasting love but I'm at the point in my life I can deal and not lose who I am. Only grow more and stronger.

2. How you feel about having kids. I know I don't want them. Well I didn't until I met that guy and he really wanted to them. 

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. Been there, done that and have definitely done that as well. 

4. When to try harder and when to walk away. I struggle with knowing this sometimes. Sometimes I'm afraid to keep on trying if I am not sure things will end up perfectly. 

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. Yep ;)

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. Man I suck at this well accept of course I know my granny who passed.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. I've done it. It's boring but I can do it. 

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. The place is near my window so I can look at the amazing city lights. 

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. Ok.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. I think I've known this a really long time. 

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. I think people will never truly know this unless in the situation. Love and money make us do crazy things. 

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. Definitely know this. 

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. Definitely a difficult thing to learn. Especially the part about taking it personally. 

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. I'm horrible at this. I'm the queen of throwing out the words I'm sorry and also asking what's wrong. Two things I have to stop.

15. Why they say life begins at 30 I cannot wait to find out! 

I'll be honest. I did this more for myself in preparation of becoming 30. I'm not necessarily afraid of turning 30 but I know I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet. I really hope 30 is when life begins because I think I'm finally ready for it to begin.

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Accepting a lie is accepting your own defeat

Accepting a liars lies is like accepting your own defeat. Don't let someone beat you by letting them lie to you. -Nycole aka me 

For the most part we have all been hurt before by someone we loved or cared for deeply. Whether that person be a significant other, family member or friend. Whether or not someone has the ability to hurt us depends on whether or not we give that person power to do so. I've been thinking about this a lot yesterday because I had quite the text blow out with an ex after believing some things he told me about the future and wanting to try again but then finding stuff online which obviously showed he was not so sincere. 

Sometimes I think we let people lie to us because we hope and pray that they don't really mean it or it's just a one time thing. But at what point does the one time mistake get old when you continue to use that excuse for a liar. I think I've let people lie to me because I take some blame for the reason they're lying. It is not the brightest thing I have done but I am not perfect and I have chosen to believe someone who says they care but shows the opposite.  After doing much thinking I realized I didn't miss this actual person or want that actual person back in my life I just wanted the feeling that I use to feel when I was with them. Sometimes people can be replaceable but the feeling is the one we need to fight for and look for in someone else.

I personally do not understand why people lie to those that they tell they love. What is the point of uttering those words if they are just a lie or a cover up? Why are people so afraid to stand alone in life that they hurt other just to keep them there while they plan their next move? It's not acceptable and I think people should take responsibility for the pain they cause others.

We as people need to be stronger and not accept the lies we know people are telling us. Even if its a tiny lie about where they were or why they are late, there is a reason they are lying. Most likely it leads to something much bigger that could break you if and when you find it out. We have to leave relationships as winners even if it hurts like hell in the moment. It's better to take momentary pain then permanent scaring. 

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The Value of a Life Coach

“A problem cannot be solved at the same level of consciousness in which it was created.”                                                                                                                                                - Albert Einstein


For several years I have always considered and toyed around with the idea of getting a life coach. I love the idea of having someone give you feedback and help you create a path. It's something I always thought about but never moved on until a few months back. I felt very stuck in life and really needed to make a move but needed something different to motivate me and push me in the right direction. I started to research life coaching in Chicago. What I found was that it is a pretty expensive service. I then decided to dig a bit deeper and found a Facebook site where several different life coaches were offering free series of sessions in return for your testimonial and feedback. I love things like that. I don't have the money to toss away right now with moving so being able to take advantage of a really helpful service for free is awesome. More things need to be like that in the world. There are things we all need or would benefit from greatly but miss out on because we cannot afford it. So often these things are things that can help us! 

I chose a coach named Greg, who interestingly enough lives in Australia. I have spoken with him on the phone three times and he has been a really helpful tool. He started by getting an idea of what I wanted from my life and what I needed to make those adjustments and achieve what I wanted. We took a look into my past to get a feel for why I am how I am today. I am and have always been a perfectionist, so badly that to me I only see perfection and failure. I don't see a middle ground within myself. I am by far my own worst enemy. Greg and I are working on seeing the difference between something not being a failure if it doesn't go the way you want but instead just using the result you get as feedback to keep moving forward. It sounds very simple but we all have behaviors that we are pretty attached to that won't just change overnight even when we know they aren't the best for us. I have found that it's very important to not skip over trying something because you aren't sure you can perfect it. There is a lot of worth in going after something and getting feedback but continuing to work for it. Not even time you swing the bat, are you going to hit a home run. Sometimes you'll hit a triple and you'll have made progress to where you want to be. Something less than what you set out to achieve isn't failure it's progress or feedback. I honestly love having these conversations with Greg because he opens me up to a lot of really great ways to see the world. 

Each and every one of us has something we do not like about ourselves and could benefit from the help or assistance from others to make us better. For me a life coach is something that can make me a better all around person. Some people need a trainer, psychologist or whatever it may be. The point is that needing someone to help give you the push or path to guide you to where you want to be isn't a bad thing. Reaching out to make yourself better is only a good thing. The real weakness is thinking you can take on the world on your own. Success, happiness, world domination...or whatever it is you're seeking all takes time and we can only be better at what we do when we are open to figuring out the best possible way to make things happen!  If you have ever considered seeing a life coach or asking someone for advice but think you'll seem weak I urge you to shake that feeling and talk to someone. You might already be great, but what is the harm in continuing to get better?

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Tipping Etiquette

Quite often I have wondered how much to tip when it came to services and really everything beyond eating out at a restaurant. I'm a very generous person if the service is good so I always want to make sure I'm giving enough. Not knowing the proper tipping etiquette can actually be rather stressful. Have you ever gotten your hair or nails done and loved them, but had no idea what the proper tip was? I still to this day have no idea so I way over tip. Knowing how to tip the housekeeper, forget it, I'm clueless when it come to that too. There are even times when you can tip but its not necessary, but how do you know? How about after a massage, do you tip? You're suppose to. I have massage merchants who consistently share stories of being stiffed. I'm convinced people just don't know better. 

For those out there like me I did some research and put together a list of the basic services and their tipping rules. Hopefully this can be helpful for you, if you aren't sure all the time just like me.

• Restaurant- The standard is 15%. I tend to do 20%+ if the service is good though. Quite frankly I think the standard should be 20% in 2012 when the cost of living is outrageous. People do not be confused, all too often lately I have heard from men that the standard their grandma taught them was 10%....NOT TRUE anymore!! Tip well :) 
• Bar- The same goes for the bar, tip 15% and 20%+ if the service is great. Sometimes I'll just do $1 a drink to make it easy. 
• Speaking of restaurants and bars...if you're using a Coupon or Daily Deal discount....TIP ON THE TOTAL before the discount comes off. This is a huge, yet common mistake. 
• Massage therapist- 15%
• Nails- 15%
• Hair stylist- 15-20% I also learned you should tip your shampoo girl (sorry all girls of the past). 
• Car Detailing- 10% Make sure to tip appropriately also depending on the # of attendants working.
• Food Delivery - 15% (I try to tip at least $2-3 minimum)
• Taxi- 15%
• Valet- Tip when the car is returned $2-3

If you can think of any please add on!! 

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